gearheadbikeworksfandomcom-20200214-history
Up Up And Away!
Up Up And Away in My beautious Balloon.. An archaic song from some 60’s musical group called The 5 ½ th Dimension; would could be seen lurking around various variety shows during the same era... Having finally trained the guys and gals at Walgreens to stop asking me every morning when I grab the news paper to ask if I would like to purchase the latest confectionary delight, including but not limited to Cadbury malted dark chocolate covered raison maggots”, or ‘Fanny May's Oodles of double sugar-coated gut bombs’ (this stuff happens and is produced upon demand of numerouis consumers..) So here I am standing in line with that 'morning impairment' kinda look on my face ,with paper in hand, an older lady in front of me , and a couple 2 or 3 school kids behind jumping up and down, attempting to convince Mom on the merits and atvantages of procurining the POP crud that will increase their circulatory vibratory systems high out-put......ouch..... Now I'm approaching the point of purchase, pulse rising, core tmperature increasing, ohh ahh....That POP gum looks good....ouch...get back on track dude.. I reach into my right rear pocket searching for my wallet, and what is staring moi in the face? Non other than the infamous newly improved.. “TROJAN FLAVORED PLEASURE CONDOMS” now available in the new hard travel case! These things (condors) if I remember correctly, were always cleverly hidden away behind the counter in Mr. Muckerheides’ pharmacy, out of sight and available only to really older adults and or those guys with slicked back hair and Cuban heels, we called them ‘hard guys’! No pun intended..sorry… Now as I begin to turn red with embarrassment..... You see my neurotic tendencies and dismissing the fact that other people cannot read my mind, puts me in the enviable position of creating wild and vivid scenarios in my noodle! What really comes to my twisted mind is Mr. Winkey the local clown/juggler prestidigitator- doing the dog and pony show at some kids birthday party, then attempting to twist one of these majic balloons, then contort it into the shape of a Llama or Yak, and then suddenly finding he is short 1 needed balloon to finish off the ears or the hump on the back, he then reaches stealthily into his back right pocket and pulls out a Trojan Luxury model just in the nick of time! Our hero saves the day! So the curios George in me has to go back to the store and investigate some more regarding this condominium stuff. Turns out the store has a dedicated isle, mind you a complete isle 30 feet long, an entire WALL! Lined end to end with every imaginable – size, color, flavor, shape, texture that any honeymooning couple could be desireous of! Next day I goes back for the daily growl, see the 'Quick Pack Travel Trojans' in the patent pending 'Designer Blue Slim Hard Case' , should I buy it, is any one looking? Hey I could get lucky, you never know… Lucky for me I left my wallet at home....